So this happened recently…
Anna: [holds door open for co-worker]
Co-worker: Thanks. I could have gotten it myself.
I laughed. I ALWAYS laugh when shit like this happens. Yes, co-worker, I do recognize that you had a free hand and I’m aware that you have keys to the building. But see, that there was something we short people call a “common courtesy.” Of course, in my head, I’m also thinking “Wow, bitch… REALLY???? Really… wow… how have you made it this far in life without someone just beating the crap out of you for your constant completely uncalled for rudeness?” In my head, I’m wishing I can give her the door back right on her ass because isn’t that what she wants? But alas, we have hydraulic hinges. It’s almost like the builders knew… But I laughed. I shook my head, I walked away, and I decided to just blog about it.
I know there’s not much I can do to change my co-worker. And I’m not about to undertake practicing the fine art of being a reciprocal dick because I don’t want to be that guy. At least, not at work. So instead, I look shit up on the internet that is weird and rad. Here is a sampling of the items that helped me curb my dogs the other day:
Ummm…. right. Ok. NEXT!
Have you ever seen that youtube video about snuggies but they call it the ‘WTF blanket’? Well, this is a WHAT THE FUCK MAMMAL. I think I shall name it Dolly Lama Notllama. Or maybe I’ll just call her Ethel.
Then, as my friends are good mind-readers, I got a treasure-filled email from my homie Nancy. She overshared with me, and so I unto you.
Whore is ALWAYS a good way to address someone that is a whore. JUST SAYIN’.
And then THIS little cutie??? UGH! YOU KILL ME, NANCY! Thank you. I will never slam a door on your butt. Like you would ever inspire such thoughts in me anyway…
So here’s my advice for the day: don’t be a dick. Be nice to people. And don’t do it so that you can fucking talk about it like you’re some fucking Mother Teresa, do it because people should be nicer to people and do it because karma is a scabby little hooker.