If I were to ever form a muzak band, I would call it “Paper Jam,” because the sound of a paper jam is one of the most grating sounds to hear in an office just because it’s annoying as fuck (I was put on hold today for a very long time and was stuck listening to “With or Without You” by U2 as done by a Casio and a GRIP of oboes and trumpets. NOT COOL. Muzak is the worst.)
But our epic “game changing” album, which would really bring muzak to a new level of intensity and depth, would be called “Sucking Teeth.” Because THAT is the most annoying sound in the office world.
Our first EP would probably be called “Chewing with Your Mouth Open” or “Slurping Your Soup.” The b-side would be either “I Can’t Stop Interrupting You All the Time” or maybe “Elbows on the Table Like I Own the Damn Thing.”
Oh man… this is good… in an effort to find a good cover for the first Paper Jam LP, I turned once again to ye olde trusty Google Image search. BEHOLD!
HOW IS THIS IN ANY WAY RELATED TO SUCKING TEETH OR PAPER JAMS OR ANY OF THAT STUFF??? God, Google is AMAZING!
But seriously, I think I’m going to go postal if I have to listen to another full day of teeth sucking. I am about ready to stuff a floss dispenser into a potato gun and aim it at the sucking offender. I doubt it’d hurt more than my Halloween mystery bruises, but it’d get the message across… welts like that don’t go unnoticed. Or unforgotten. So for all you tooth suckers out there, KNOCK IT OFF.