I haven’t been around my blog much lately because I haven’t had anything very interesting to share. Or maybe it’s just because I haven’t been going down to the lunch room at the right hours lately… Or perhaps it’s that I haven’t been filtering the good stuff out of the jumbledeegook of an ordinary day? I’m not entirely sure. I just wanna make sure I only overshare the good stuff. Like mama always said, anything worth doing is worth doing without pants on. Actually, my mom never said anything like that. Although she did walk around the house naked a lot when I was growing up… BUT I DIGRESS.
My co-workers have really gone into overshare overdrive. Something about the holidays really makes people spill their “too much information” beans. I’ve overheard lots of talk about really gross-but-otherwise-innane surgical procedures, relatives’ holiday crises, and opinions about the weather (only the bad ones, of course).
I HATE when people spend more than 2 minutes discussing the weather, as if they are really enlightening the rest of us by stating completely universally understood facts: “It’s cold outside – just FREEZING!” Yes. Yes, we know. It’s so “freezing” that the water outside is frozen. Do you have anything else you’d like to add, professor? “I mean, but REALLY. It’s just so COLD! I went outside and I was just chilled to the bone! You know, I was watching the weather on the news the other night and they said it’s going to be SO COLD THAT THE DINOSAURS ARE GOING TO COME BACK TO LIFE!” Ha. I WISH they’d talk about dinosaurs.
I love dinosaurs. When I was a kid, I wanted to be either a paleontologist or an astronomer. Actually, when I was a kid, I wanted to be a paleontologist or a pilot. When I was in high school, I wanted to be an astronomer. Maybe if I’d have been more of a math prodigy, I could have hooked that up. I had serious intellectual crushes on Carl Sagan, Albert Einstein, Neils Bohr, and Stephen Hawking. HEY. I SAID INTELLECTUAL. But it’s not hard to see why I struggled to get a date to the dance. I REALLY LIKED SPACE (AND SPACE MATH). A LOT.
Anyway, one of the off-shoot topics of office weather discussion is the topic of “personal body temperature.” Being cold, specifically, is a topic that gets a vast amount of attention in office settings. So does the topic of “being mindful of wasting energy heat in an effort to keep oneself warm.” (Can anybody give me a WHAT WHAT on this???) Ninjaina – OF COURSE – has a lot to say about this stuff.
Today, she stops me in the lunchroom and says “AREN’T YOU FREEEEEEZING??? UGH!!! JUST LOOKING AT YOU MAKES ME COLD!” Wow, Ninjaina. I don’t know if I should thank you for more or less implying that I am a WIZARD, or just start telling you what looking at you does to me. “AREN’T YOU SO DEPRESSED??? BECAUSE LOOKING AT YOU MAKES ME LESS PLEASED WITH THE WHOLE WORLD!” Eh, that’s not even true. I just looked at her and said “Umm…. I’m sorry?” What was I supposed to say???
The other thing people really like to talk about around here these days is SHOPPING. HOLIDAY shopping. What they’re buying people, what they’ve bought for people in the past, what they’re hoping their relatives/friends buy for them, where they got the best deal on things that they’ve recently bought. Honestly… it’s not that I think it’s a stupid conversation. It’s just that I DON’T HAVE A DOOR. All I want for Christmas is for my less savvy co-workers to get more savvy about EMAIL. (Really, though, guys… the surgery talk is the worst. Knock that off. It’s not even your surgery. You just heard about it on the news.) But every once in a great great while, this overheard blahblahbullshitbullshitblahblah is endearing.
When discussing with shopping locations with a co-worker, “blahblah” (as they will henceforth be known) was somewhat horrified to learn that her co-worker was having to buy clothes for a teen at the mall.
“Is that the one place where they play the music real loud? It’s so loud, I can’t even go in there! I walk in the door and my ears just hurt. What’s it called? Is it that place… Fitch?”
Ahhhh… “old” people. There is something so great about crotchety “old” people, be they 12 or 92. They will be the source of rejuvenated delight until the dinosaurs DO come back.
Hey, have you heard that there are non-religious, pro-scientific folks who don’t believe in dinosaurs??? Their logic being “there’s just no fucking way. Can you imagine how huge that fucker would be? You’ve got to be kidding me!” But… there are bones… whole skeletons… “Yeah, whatever. There’s no fucking way.”