Because everyone IS doing it

I got a Snuggie for Christmas this year from my aunt.  Thanks, auntie nameless!  (Protecting the unaware/non-consenting)

I loved the WTF blanket video.  I felt like it really captured my initial feelings about the Snuggie.  Now I realize that it’s much more than that.  See, first of all, they’re softer than I expected.  I love soft things, therefore I love my Snuggie.  I’m simple.  Deal.  But get this!  It really DOES come with a free reading light!  Now I just need to learn how to read… hmmm… maybe I’ll ask for “literacy” for Christmas next year.

Now that I have had a chance to laze about a bit in my WTF Snuggie, I realize that it serves far more purposes than the ones advertised in the commercial.  For instance, the Snuggie makes a good bathrobe.  Well, having never gotten it wet, maybe I’m supposed to call it a “smoking robe”?  Anyway, I DARE you to put a Snuggie on “backwards” (dude… it’s a blanket with SLEEVES.  It is the modern definition of “backwards.”  That’s right, folks.  The Snuggie has brought us down to the level of SAVAGES.  The Snuggie has completed the circle – the First World has resumed its proper place as the Third World.  Meanwhile, the Third World is teaching us about religion and agriculture.  Thanks, Third World!) and NOT feel like the Cowardly Lion traipsing about the Emerald City.  Oh, and just for fun, try to find a terra-cotta crown, a wily tail, and sing “King of the Forrest.”  I’m positive you won’t regret it.  No, seriously!  It’ll be the same level of bashful pride you felt when you built yourself a totally kick-ass fort as a full-grown adult!  Oh wait… that was just me?  Well, fuck all y’all bitches.  That fort was rad.  Ask anyone who came inside it.  Twice.  OHHHHHH!!!! Wait… where was I again?  Ok.

Another thing I realized about the WTF Snuggie is that it is basically a super-comfy, oversized, “pick your pattern”, fleece hospital gown.  Which means that we now have here another fun game to play.  Step 1: wear your Snuggie like the pictures show.  Step 2:  Make sure to wear nothing but the Snuggie, just like the pictures show. Step 3: Now casually stroll by your roommate.  Maybe bend over.  Look for something on a nearby bookshelf, in a cupboard, or maybe the fridge.  Oh, and please, have someone video taping, because I would bet you $1 your roommate’s face is going to be worth $5.  You can thank me later.  Or you can send me $5.  Whichever is easiest for you.

Other notable mentions: the WTF Snuggie can be used as a regular blanket.  Just pretend the sleeves aren’t there.  Cover yourself with the remaining tarp of blanket.  BOOM.  Blanket.  Just like the cave men intended.  The Snuggie also substitutes nicely for a toga.  This is worthwhile for those of us who live in somewhat cooler/wetter climates, as “back to school” fall/winter toga parties can easily leave one wanton for warmth, sometimes sought via the tender embrace of another toga-clad person we would never in a million years otherwise consider, but hey, they’ve got another blanket and SHIT BALLS it’s freezing, I’LL TAKE WHAT I CAN GET.  Yeah, that’s right.  Toga parties in the NW of the good ol’ U. S. of A are basically the first incarnation of roofies.  I’m not speaking from experience (of roofies or ‘toga as roofies’), thank god.

And, because togas, roofies, and the possibility of seeing your roommate’s face see your bare ass surrounded by plush Snuggie really doesn’t conjure anything BUT The Hangover, I give you “WHO LET THE DOGS OUT,” the classic from the Baha Men.


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