I was telling the “help” earlier that all I want in life right now – as an addition to what I already have, not as a single-importance item which would replace all other objects, people, or experiences I’ve already got – is a desk. Not access to a desk, but a desk which is MINE. I need to amend that statement. Why? BECAUSE I JUST SAW THESE SHOES!
ARE YOU JOKING ME RIGHT NOW???? SERIOUSLY!?!?! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. It’s like the most epic marriage of comic book super powers and completely absurd and unobtainable high fashion couture. KILL ME. Srsly. Ok. Not really. Also, I guess I should say that he’s not “the Help,” he’s the manpal. AKA I AM NOT PAYING HIM TO LISTEN TO MY BULLSHIT. Which is why you are getting this blog. He’s in the other room.
See, had I beckoned him in from his relaxation station to “look at these!” and then go on and on about how they are amazing, he would probably have dutifully replied with something along the lines of “Yup. Those are pretty amazing. ‘ts pretty crazy.” Maybe one more mumble. And then he would have left the room. And I would have felt like I was as ridiculous as I already know that I am. Alternatively, if I’d run to him with the image of these AMAZING shoes pulled up and ready for his gaze and feedback, he probably would have said all the same things as above, followed by “Bitch, get back in the kitchen.” But see… I’m already in the kitchen (cuz I don’t have a desk!). So. Joke’s on him. I will now secretly eat a piece of his cheese WHILE LOOKING AT THIS PICTURE SOME MORE. Muahahaha.
Oh life. You taste like Tillamook cheddar. And that is why I love you.