Invasion update

I’ve heard tell that the ZMC is still in town for another week.  Well, fear not, world.  The locks have been changed and we’re gonna have a big illegal bonfire to clear out the rest of the shit the ZMC left behind.  WHO WANTS A HOT DAWG?  In the meantime, I’ve been slowly and steadily trying to put the house back together (we lost the trash cans, curtains, vacuum cleaner, and a number of items from the shower.  Because goodness knows they don’t sell face wash and conditioner on the east coast!) after the invasion.  I’m mad it has to be done, but oh my gosh, I really think it’s going to come together nicely!  And I must say… I don’t care how you feel this reflects on me personally, but I am seriously so in love with my new vacuum cleaner; I think if it were a person, I’d want to marry it!  Considering my severe indifference to marriage, this is a big statement for me.  I’m gonna suck that zombie monster cunt and her bitchtastic alien invasion right outta my apartment’s carpet! Yeah, don’t worry.  That’s already a Top 10 hit in northern Finland.  I’m gonna be huge!
Cleaning is great.  I am a pile person and really phenomenally good at making messes.  For someone like me, I think it’s like a personal challenge, you know?  Like, if I can get my room so messy within a few days that even I can’t find anything, but then I get it all cleaned up in a few hours, I’m totally bad-ass, right??  Well, this passion for tidiness is true for surface messes and stuff.  But dear sweet lord, I DO NOT FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT PERSONAL HYGIENE.  I think this movie clip really captures my feelings about regular maintanence; specifically, brushing one’s teeth:

Speaking of being cold as shit… have any of you noticed how, in the wintertime, people be scaling their soapboxes saying shit like “GLOBAL WARMING MY ASS!  IT’S AS FROZEN AS JOAN RIVERS’ FACE OUTSIDE!”, but when it’s 60 degrees in March, people are like THANK GOD IT’S SO WARM!  I’VE MISSED YOU, SUMMER!  I KNOW YOU AREN’T HERE YET, BUT I’LL FUCK YOUR BASTARD COUSIN, SPRING, IN THE INTERIM TO KILL TIME BEFORE YOUR ARRIVAL!  Anyway, global warming is complicated, and stupid people don’t want to take on knowledge about complicated things, they just wanna feel right for a second so that they can get back to talking about What Jesus Would Do If He Were Here Enjoying This Wonderful Weather.  I’m not saying I dislike how 60 degrees feels.  I’m just saying stupid people piss me off.  That’s all.  And for the record, I don’t think stupid is measured by a score on any standardized test.  I think stupid is measured by your willingness to have your knowledge pool affected by new information.  If you think you came out of the womb already right about everything, you’re a fucking idiot.


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