The REAL Portlandia

One thing I love about legit PDX hobos is that they embody the mighty honey badger and they don’t CARE about aaaaanything. Today, I walked by a small gathering of maybe-they-were-old-or-maybe-it-was-just-the-face-of-drugs hobos. Kind of sane-ish looking, they also were openly discussing how best to smoke the crack they had in the pipe which they were not at all concealing. I thought old mama hobo had the best advice: “JUST TURN TO THE SIDE! We’ll cover for you!” She was in a wheelchair and started lifting up a blanket that was draped across her lap, as if to shield her friend from any possible danger or sighting by the cops.

Yeah. Do that. You’ll really fool them, you cunning, sneaky hobo you. The cops might have otherwise seen old man crack pipe winter hobo openly waving around and/or lighting that crack pipe, but they will instantly be thrown off and lack suspicion when they see you going all ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ impromptu fort builder at the bus stop. And hey, even if your bright quilt fort DOES draw attention, all suspicion will again be lost when your friend simply turns to the side. That will surely shield him from any lingering harm.

Kids, I’ve said it before and it bears repeating: drugs are bad, mmkayyyy?


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